Weirdo

"Stupid"

Sometimes it doesn't means stupid in a real context meaning.


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"Bangang ah"

I used to call that word to my brother. He's annoying. Totally. First, because he's a jerk. Second, well I can't fight him, I am gonna lose, so using that word kind of my counter-attack.

However, if I use that word and then smile, it has different meaning. It means, "my brother is an idiot, but I love him. Totally". And I used it kinda alot :)


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What I wanna emphasize is that, you gonna act weirdo in front of someone you love, in a different way, to some extent, a way that nobody could understand. At all.


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To a stranger, I act all innocence. They called me angel. Unlike my best buddies, they called me devil.


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And for you. I am sorry. I am such a weirdo. But that's how I am.

Masum 2013

Assalamualaikum. Helo.

Masum games has already ended. It was like *ting ting* vanished all of sudden. The pressure, stressful, the pain, the laughter.. we will missed it. When I was still in Nilai campus, watching all my senpai went to masum games, I bet they are all the luckiest person. Back then, for juniors it was like a dream if you are get selected for the team. Unlike nowadays. I can't believe when I heard there's juniors complained the training was tough, does not worth it, bla bla. If I were them, I am willing to give whatever it takes to get in team.

I waited for almost two years to get participate in Masum games. This is my first time. And it was organized in my home. IIUM.

Sadly, I made silly mistakes :(

If I can, I want to disappear. It hurts. It was indeed a silly mistakes. I shouldn't do that. That was the first time I cry. Not because I lost. But because the mistakes I made. Maybe it wasn't the right time for me to earn gold for individu kata. Maybe I should bow more. Be more humble in learning. Maybe Allah wants it to be in a special way. Who knows?

It wasn't easy for a sobbing girl to be happy again. I, myself also was surprise to see myself smiling. Nisa, Eila and Fatin. Thank you bery bery mach because you guys come and cheer me up. It helps alot. Budak ucuk mata merah dah ada target. Nak improve. Banyak. May Allah ease me.

Insya Allah :)

For this moment, I want to dedicate million thanks and syukur, first and foremost to Sensei Amirul Iman bin Dollah who always be there for me and helps me to improve. From zero to hero. There's still alot I have to learn and practice and I will train hard more after this. It is true that Masum is like a slapping games for me as a wake up call. Next, to all my teammates, aisyah afifah azieefah umi hajar syidah futuhat yat luqman raziman ameen ijat asap izzul afro rais adha fitri and others, thanks for being a good teammates and I beg for forgiveness if there's any misbehaves which I do intentionally or unintentionally. To Sensei Rijal, thank you thank you for 'kuda buncit'. Insya Allah, promise is promise. I will work hard for it. To my parents, thanks for always support and pray for me. To others, thank you.

Next mission: Sukipt 2014

Cold

Hentakan kuat.

Aku tak pasti adakah itu penyebabnya. Mungkin. Aku harap jawapan tu betul.

Aku jadi stress. Benda kecil je pun. Tapi rasa nak marah. Marah yang gila. Nak jerit kuat-kuat. Tapi tak boleh. Tak boleh nak jerit kat sini.

Marah yang menggila. Aku tanak jadi macam tu dah. Aku tanak marah orang. Atleast, marahkan diri sendiri. Salah sendiri. Ingat Allah banyak-banyak. Kau akan jadi waras sikit.


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Aku taktau nak mengadu kat siapa. Kat Allah, tentu. Tapi nak ada kawan. Kawan yang kau takkan rasa malu nak cerita apa je. But I dont find any. Not yet. Mungkin blog ni jadi 'kawan' itu? 'Kawan' yang boleh mendengar tapi takkan respon apa-apa. Cuma setia untuk mendengar.

Mungkin stress belajar tak habis lagi. Mungkin aku nak jadi dewasa. Tekanan makin banyak. Mungkin.

Ingat Allah. Allah. Allah. Dia ada. Nangis kat dia. Kau akan rasa lega. Peringatan untuk diri sendiri.

IIUM Sports Award 2012

Hati berdebar ambil trophy besar gabak :*

It was the greatest night ever. Dinner free, bag free. Almost all of us (Karate team Sukipt) went to the event. It was my first time to attend this event and I have the right to feel touch, walawehhh tak sangka dapat award. I was expecting to get Half Color Award only but then turned out... err

Tamak haa semua nak rembat

Half Color Award, Best Team Women AND Most Promising Sportswoman Award *wink wink*

Bertambah semangat nak training hard untuk Masum 2013 kali ni. Uia gombak jadi host untuk Masum ni. Double semangat yay. Aku join Individu Kata insya allah kalau terpilih, will do my very besttt!!

p/s now tengah exam week. pray for me :)